EVIL DEAD (2013) REVIEW

Ok let's get down to it.  The original Evil Dead from 1981 is my favorite horror movie ever.  Crazy low budget, insanely good production values considering, and terrific performances.  When I read online that Sam Raimi would be producing a remake I was a little iffy.  Now I don't jump on the "All Remakes Are of the Devil" train.  I tend to enjoy them actually when they are done well (The Hills Have Eyes), but I was more than a little concerned that the magic of the original Evil Dead wouldn't translate to 2013.

BOY WAS I WRONG.

Let me start off by giving a little plot for yo' ratchety asses.  Meet David, a brooding, sensitive, yet I think he has a past brother to Mia, a great big ol druggie.  They meet up at a remote family cabin with Natalie (David's girlfriend who was instantly likeable), Olivia (a nurse who I wanted to see die immediately), and Eric (some douche with glasses).  As an audience we aren't given too much info on the relationships of these people or even how they all know each other.  The only thing we need to know is that they are all here to help Mia kick her "powder in a plastic bag" habit.  After a ritualistic disposing of the drugs Mia begins withdrawals and begins to flip out over smells in the basement.  Upon investigation our lovely disposables find a ritual site filled with hooks, dead cats, a burnt post, and a strange package containing a leather bound book.  Douche with glasses begins to read it....invisible demon from woods shows up....Mia gets plowed by an couple of Sycamores and the rest is history.  Deadites everywhere.

                                                    you big demon lezzy.


I really don't want to compare the two films although it's hard not to so I'll give ya the pros.  I really liked that there was nary a cell phone to be found in this movie.  Thank you to the screenwriters.  We eliminate the problem of a cell phone age by not even bringing it up.  Brilliant.  We also have a reason to be at this cabin and a reason to STAY.  Mia had escaped rehab before and overdosed a number of times so the friends make a pact to keep her there.  Since she is the first possessed they are to assume she is just coming down and thats why she's acting like a cunt on wheels.  So our reasonings to stay at this cabin are very sound.  Good job.

Secondly, the suspense.  In this movie there are lots...and I mean lots of noises to make you squirm.  My friend watched most of the movie with his hands over his ears awaiting the jump scares.  Now....the jump scares in this movie are not trivial at all....in fact they are awesome and really add to the experience.  There are totally relentless sequences in this movie that will make you uncomfortable in a great way such as a sequence with a nail gun that was my favorite part of the movie.

Next we go to GORE.  Now ya can't have an Evil Dead movie without lots of gore and trust me...this movie delivers.  We get LOTS of cool stuff: a face removal, nail gun punctures,  a sawed off arm, a tongue splitting, a head bashing, a hand ripped off, and a piece at the very end that amps it up BIG TIME.  If you like gore this movie gives it to you.  And I'm not talkin CGI craptastic gory bits...but good, old fashioned corn syrup BLOOD everywhere.

                                      ooh girl....you shonuff DID honey.

The performances are great, especially by the actress playing Mia.  She really is right up there with Cheryl from the original movie.  As to be expected the characters aren't very fleshed out (until they start ripping the flesh out) but who cares....it's a friggin gore movie.  MINOR SPOILER.  The only thing I would change is I would make "The Abomination" toward the end of the film a little more spectacular.  She was just a regular girl...and after years in hell I would want her to be more demon like or creature-ey.  Is that a word?

ANYWAYS...DO check this one out.  Easily the best theatrically released horror movie of the year.

It gets 3 YES GIRLS and 1 half Oooh bitch.

AUGUST UNDERGROUND'S MORDUM

Today I am going to talk about a film called August Underground's Mordum.  This is a film that is CLEARLY for the hardest of hardcore horror fans.  It involves subject matter that is plain old sick.  While googling the sickest movies I could find I kept reading about this one so I went ahead and watched it.  After viewing it I was not only uncomfortable but it made me think about WHY we as horror fans enjoy these films and when the action is all too real how even the most jaded horror fan can be turned off.

Now I can't post a lot of stills from this film because frankly they are all too graphic and most of the films involves nudity.  Not good nudity mind you....but disgusting nudity.  I am not here to "judge" this film's content or it's filmmaker's intent but to review it as a whole, so please bear that in mind.  It is billed as a simulated snuff film, being shot in found footage style at the hands of 3 psychos who reeeally enjoy saying the word "fuck" and well....puke a lot. 

The film centers around our 3 maniacs in a series of vignettes, some more vile than others.  There is no real "plot" or dialogue here which I find odd considering the film has 5 directors and writers.  I am assuming the 5 "directors" happen to be the main characters of the the film....and to be honest I would like to poke around in their heads for a few hours just to see what they don't have the guts to transfer to celluloid....because honestly it doesn't get much more graphic than this.  The film is shot in hand held, old school JVC camcorder style which adds to its realism.  You really do feel like you are watching a home movie.  There is nothing slick here at all, which is a blessing and a curse for this film.

This movie has it all....rape, self mutilation, murder, torture, puke, necrophilia, puke, lots of gore, dead babies, puke, dead children, puke, a really disturbing disembowelment, and more puke.  I am not sure how "entertaining" all this is, but I think it is made clear that you should not "enjoy" this experience, yet be affected by it.  It's not a film you can soon unsee.  It stays with you for weeks.  In my case, months.

There are other films in this vein that I feel are more successful such as the films of Lucifer Valentine which I find way more artistic and effective.  In Mordum we are simply treated to the grit and in this instance I feel the point is somehow missed.  I am not as moved as I should be when I am simply repulsed.  I cannot in good conscience recommend this film on the ground that is just not that great of a movie.  The best thing going for it are the effects that are genuinely great.  The gore looks REALLY real here and the performances given by the victims are very realistic as well.  The biggest problem I have is with the killers themselves.  This is also a problem I have with Rob Zombie's films.  The psychos try too hard.  They spout "fuck, fuck, fuck" and yell a lot making them more of a mockery than a frightening, effective character.  I am way more scared of someone who says very little than someone who says "Look at this fucking fuck."  Really?

So if you feel like you are unmovable and can take it, go ahead and watch it.  It's definitely depraved....but not a very good film at all.  It's not something I would want to watch again, but as a hardcore fanboy it's something that is definitely on the must see list along with Cannibal Holocaust and Salo.  Ya just have to see it to believe it.

NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (1988)
Directed By: Kevin Tenney
Written By: Joe Augustyn
Starring: Amelia Kinkade, Cathy Podewell, Alvin Alexis, and Linnea Quigley

BIG GAY REVIEW:
Ahhh, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was 10 years old.  My father would take me to visit a local video store called "The Emporium" where I would study the horror section for what seemed like an eternity while my Dad would talk to the owner Gus.  As they were washed in conversation about the weather or sports I would be perusing the horror section in pursuit of the nastiest thing I could find. "Hmmmm....Night of the Demons?  This looks interesting and this chick looks freaky as hell."  I grabbed it and nervously awaited what I would see when I got home.

BOY WAS I GLAD.  This movie turned out to be one of the coolest movies of my childhood.  Flicks like this one, Waxwork, and Return of the Living Dead were awesome movies to grow up on.

The story involves Angela, a creepy goth chick (is it the costume or does she just dress like that?) who decides to throw a Halloween party at Hull House, a local abandoned funeral home.  She has invited the most unlikeable people in the Universe.  The jock, the womanizer, the douchiest guy ON THE PLANET, the rebel, the slut (a couple of them), the plain Jane, the "this film needs a black guy" black guy, a couple other douche nozzles, and the one wholesome girl with big tits who is clearly going to survive, Judy.  The setup is simple.  The party is in full swing until a "past life" seance releases a demon spirit from the crematorium downstairs.  The demon possesses the slutty chick, played by the gloriously bad Linnea Quigley and havoc ensues.  Once you are killed by the demon you in turn become one leaving poor Judy and "ok we'll give you a bigger part, black guy" Roger to run for their lives and try to get out alive.

                                         I have those shoes.

The best thing about Night of the Demons is it's ability to NOT take itself too seriously.  These guys know they are making a fun, bad movie and seem to enjoy it.  The result is a fun, gory master-piece of 80's kick ass pie.  The comedy rears it's head early on in the above scene.  Linnea's character asked the store clerk "Do you have Sour Balls?....Too bad.  You must not get many blowjobs." *rimshot*   As a gay guy with little to no taste, I of course laugh every time.  Another line later on in the film is repeated by me on a daily basis and that line is "Eat...a bowl....of fuck."  The comedy here is great.

The kills in this movie are pretty good for a low budgeter.  We get an arm ripped off by a casket, a tongue bitten out, two eyeballs pushed in, a neck broken, an impalement, some cool melting, among others.  The effects are great as well.  There is one silly stop motion effect that makes me laugh every time involving the disembodied arm. The only issue I have with the effects is the REALLY bad "demon puppet" that is shown to represent the invisible demon spirit.  Pretty tacky looking guy....but I'd still fuck him probably.

The performances are standard 80's horror fare.  Bad...on purpose.  The greatest performance in this film is given by the amazing Amelia Kinkade who plays Angela.  She is by far the nastiest demon and my homegirl Amelia seems to revel in the character, floating up and down the halls chewing the scenery and the faces of the other actors.  She does a very creepy dance in the middle of the film in which she has NO petticoat on during the dance....yet a FULL one when she spins out of the dance.  Ok, that's the one gay thing I'll say in this blog entry.  Another hilarious performance is given by a lipstick.  Just sayin.

                                 Really inventive shot used in the film.

Seriously, if you haven't gotten your hands on this gem, check it out.  DO NOT....I REPEAT DO NOT watch the 2009 remake before viewing this one.  It sucks and I wouldn't want to ruin your chances of seeing this amazing movie.

This one gets 4 snaps and a "Girl, Please!"

The gays have it!

I am gay.  I am a horror fan.  I am a big, gay horror fan.  Lots of my friends are big, gay horror fans.  I am not sure what it is about this particular genre that connects with a gay audience.  Maybe we're jaded by society and we just like to see people get theirs.  Maybe we revel in the fact that our lifestyle is ignorantly considered "edgy" or "alternative."  Or maybe we just like to see people get their heads cut off just like straight people.  All I know is that when I plan a trip to the movies or check out my local Redbox I want to first know if any horror is available.  There's something about the rush of being scared or at least watching other people be scared in a group environment.

                                                                   God, that's hot.

I am 32 years old.  I grew up in a small town in West Virginia called Logan.  It was a typical mountain town.  Creeks, hollows, a dark, mysterious past.  In our small town a legend roamed those hills and her name was Mamie Thurman.  (I will soon devote a full blog to her.)  She was murdered almost a century ago and is said to roam the hills, haunting and scaring the shit out of the locals.  I was just fascinated by her.  My mother used to drive us around 22 Mountain where she was supposedly always seen.  She would drive us up there and then turn the lights off in the car and we would just sit there.PRAYING for Mamie to jump out and kill us all with an axe.  At 9-10 years old I didn't know how to define my sexuality, but I certainly knew I loved horror.

                                                       From neck sucker to dick sucker.

As a kid I used to spend lots of time at my Aunt Norma's house.  Aside from being my idol in every way, my Aunt Norma was a HUGE gorehound and would rent 5-6 movies at a time....all horror....and we would stay up all night long and watch them as a family (my cousins, sister, aunts and I).  THUS generated my obsession with all things bloody. 

In this blog I will cover horror from a gay perspective.  Don't be surprised to see a "girl" or a "no she didn't" thrown in for good measure.  If you like it great!  If you don't, just follow the advice of my Aunt Norma and "shut up or I'll rip your lips off."

LOVE,
Brent Fabian
Big, Gay Horror Fan